Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
