covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
