Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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