I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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