My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
