there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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