and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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