Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
