I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
