So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
