I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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