He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
