Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
