Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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