Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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