They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
