He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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