After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
