There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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