So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
