just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
