Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
