And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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