So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
