this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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