I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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