we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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