a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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