if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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