My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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