For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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