If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You ate ashes out of my bong
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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