Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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