I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
