dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
