I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
