found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
