just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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