Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
