I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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