At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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