I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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