If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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