My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
