he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
