Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
