We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
