Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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