I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
