I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
