The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
