I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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