I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
