I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. Β―\\(γ)/Β―
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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