its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it penis luge time yet?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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