woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
