When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
