"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
