Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
