Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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