I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
