i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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