Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
