i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
