I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
