Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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