If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
