I looked at my own cervix.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
