Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
