Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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