i barfeds in our rink
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
