if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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