I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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